Bets are On..

4 02 2009

Ok so I have a bet going on with my dad and brother now that I can get out of the house and back to the gym. The bet is for $25 each on whoever can lose the most weight in 1 month. Yesterday was our first day and I am so unhappy with what I weighed in at.  I can’t believe that I have let myself get so fat again. 

Today was a pretty good day all in all.

Breakfast: plum and water    50 cals

Snack: grapes and water    28 cals

Lunch: salad with dressing and cheese and water 90 cals

Snack: W.W. cookie and water   90 cals

Dinner: turkey burger w/ A1  260 cals

                    carrots w/ butter and Brown sugar  30 cals

                     cabbage  w/ butter  25 cals

                    8 oz choc milk   220 cals

So for the day I have had a total of 793 calories. Not to bad considering this was the first day.I am trying to stay under 1000 calories a day and work it down under 800 for the last few weeks. I am trying this 7 day cleanse by Hydroxycut so we will see if it works and I will let you all know. I am talkin supplements with all of this. Multivitamins, fiber, all the good stuff and plenty of water. Tryin to avoid as many carbs as possible without cutting them out completely. I know that some day I am going to want some pasta or potatoes so I am not going to cut them all out but for the next few weeks I am tryin to do not whites. Pasta, bread, potatoes, etc.  I have really got to hit this hard this time. I hate to lose at anything except losing the weight. So the bet is on and I am going to work my ass off to prove that a woman can lose just as much or MORE than a man.  Hope you all are doing well and keep up all the good work.

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ALREADY…GEEZUS

17 11 2008

I already fucked up.  I took the kids to the donut shop because I am not a donut fan and thought that the bagels in the fridge and an egg would only be 6 points, but I wound up getting a freaking sausage roll!  A LARGE ONE AT THAT.  I have no idea how many points is in that but I am sure it is more than 6!  I guess I will just try to eat low fat/ low cal the rest of the day and start new tomorrow.

I weighed today…200.5, yep that is how much C weighs.  I used to be so over taken with my weight, then I realized that I shouldn’t.  After I had kids I got heavier and heavier.  Now it is outta control.  My back hurts constantly because I am only 5 foot 3 and I am carrying an extra 75 pounds or so on my little frame.  I swear I look like a Umpaloompa.  Actually everyone says I carry my weight well, but I beg to differ!

Anyway, I hope to do much better for bfast tomorrow and the rest of today.  I am not gonna dwell on that sausage roll and do the rest of the day better.  We are having pork loin for dinner and that is very low fat.  Yay!  Everyone keep on keeping on.

-C





Starting the day

17 11 2008

Today is going to be the test to see if I can stick with it. I was disappointed this morning when I got on the scales and it said that I had only lost .2 of a pound. However that does make my total 6 pounds on the start of day 5. Looking back I do think that there is a possiblity that it is does have something to do with all the water that I drank yesterday causing me to have water weight. I sure hope so! I am a fanatic about weighing so I do it every morning and again sometimes of an evening. I wish that I could break that cycle and weigh once a week. Probably not going to happen.. I enjoy knowing when I have done good and when I do bad I want to know that kind of day will not work for me. I hate to have only lost .2 but I have got to look at the good part of this and notice that there were a few days I dropped over 2 pounds. That is the mindset that I am trying to hang on to for today. I have a hard time sticking with it when I don’t drop what I would like to. I am going to head to the gym here in a bit and I know that will help me to drop what I am not right now. Numbers should increase and besides that is something that I need to do anyways whether it helps to speed up the numbers or not. I am not good at going to the gym, it’s just not something that I enjoy doing and I tend to make excuses as to why I can’t go that day. When I do go I feel self concious of the way that I look. It seems like if I do get there I do ok though, because I look at all the fit people around me and I want to be like them so I workout really hard and push myself to do more and more. However I tend to schedule to go when there is a variety of people there so I don’t feel like the only fat person in the building. I know that I need to do this for me and I shouldn’t care what others think but I do. My goal for this week is to have lost 10 pounds by Thursday morning. Only 4 more to go! Sure hope that I make it.  I will try to catch ya all up on my day and how it goes for me later. Much love

XOXO***S





Here I go…AGAIN.

16 11 2008

I have been MIA for a week or so because I have been bad, real bad.  Eating and drinking whatever I want whenever I want it.  I am too afraid to stand on the scales.  I know I have gotten heavier, I can tell by the way my clothes are fitting.

I think I will jump on the wagon with S and do WW.  I know how to do it, I am just not a huge fan.  I do better counting calories because I know my limits and with points I get carried away and have them all eaten by dinner time.  I know that doesn’t make since but it is true.  So I will spend this week tracking points.  I will stand on the damn scales tomorrow morning and give you my ‘true’ weight.

I have a really hard time doing this when I feel so confident.  I look in the mirror and don’t get mad or sad, I am content.  I like my curves and I like food.  But at the same time I don’t want my 3 little girls to grow up thinking my weight and the way I eat is normal.  I want them to see me eating healthy and exercising, regardless of my size.  That is what is important, teaching them how to eat properly and stay fit.  And if I did just that I would, in fact, lose weight.

So as I embark on this AGAIN I will do it with a different attitude.  I am doing this for my health, not for my self confidence or to be sexy.  I am already sexy, no matter what anyone says.  I want to be healthy, happy and live life to the fullest.  When I run in the yard with the girls I don’t want to be out of breath after 2 minutes of playing.  I want to be more active and feel great!!  And I will…

On a different note, I want to let all the great commenter’s to S know how much it means to not only her but to me.  It is really hard to put your life out into ‘blog’ world, but when you do and you get positive feedback it helps.  It helps you maintain your mind set, and reach your goals!  Knowing that others concur and agree allows you to explore your thoughts and feelings even further which helps you reach in and grab that last piece of what you need for success…So thank you all.

C





Weight Watchers

15 11 2008

So I think I am back on track. I am back to doing the well known, over-rated, pain in the ass weight watches. The only good thing that I can say about this whole thing is that it really does work for me and in a short amount of time…but I hate doing it.  It is such a pain in the ass to count everything, and I feel like I am eating more now than ever. However the results are showing up on the scales so that is a plus. This morning I had lost 2.4 pounds so that is always needed.  I am feeling very positive right now about it and I hope to continue to feel the same way.  I am keeping a journal of everything that I put in my mouth and I also write notes and reminders to myself every morning.  The front page of my journal tells me why this is so important and that it is not only for me but for my daughter K too.  She is my world and I want to set a good example for her. So no more crash dieting and yo-yoing. I have got to do this and for good now.

For those of you who do not know ME, I am not a skinny person by no means. I have battled with my weight for many years doing diet after diet and never achieving the goals that I have set out to achieve. This is the breaking point for that. I have never been diagnosed with and actual eating disorder and I don’t intend to. I am either a compulsive over eater or I do the binge and purge. This has been going on for way too long and I am ready to be a happy healthy mom for my daughter. She deserves a mom that wants to go outside and play. Not one that is depressed about weight and life all the time. Starting now I am going to be that for her.

The first goal that I have is to lose 40 pounds before my surgery date which is January 2nd.  The ultimate goal that I have set is to lose a total of 80 pounds by the end of May. I want to be that super skinny hot ass mom that enjoys life and all the boys want to sleep with…LOL I  WILL BE THAT MOM!

Thanks again to all our readers. I greatly appreciate all the comments and support that you provide in these rough times that we all call life.

Much love, xoxo****S





No Change

4 11 2008

Still no change.  I am sitting here hungry and just ate like 3 slices of cucumber.  I want something greasy and yummy so bad, lol.  I don’t have any ephedra so it is getting harder and harder to fight the urges.  I ate pizza pasta last night.  It isn’t that bad, just the carbs.  I feel bad for eating it.  Not to mention that Troy got me a box of white wine and I drank 3 or 4 glasses last night as well.  I had hardly eaten anything yesterday so that got me kinda drunk.  Then the pasta.

 

I am giving a shout out to Hana.  You are really walking thinspiration.  I went to look at your photobucket pics and you are just a tiny little thing.  Makes me really want to vomit and never eat again.  What makes it even harder is that when I was your age I looked just like you.  My metabolism wasn’t all fucked up from having 3 kids and I could eat anything.  I never had a weight issue, nor was I anorexic.  My mind was normal then.  Now I am fat.  So thank you Hana for the thinspiration and for your blog.  It is great to read and get to know you.





Alcohol

30 10 2008

I have come to realize that not only am I fat, I am a binge drinker.  Troy told me last night that I just don’t know when to stop.  He tried to categorize me as an alcoholic, but I know I am not.  I explained that I binge drink, or at least I fit that category.  I had one OJ and rum last night, which is very good for me.  Normally I start and can’t stop.  

I totally blew my eating yesterday, I didn’t track at all.  I have been sick with a sinus infection for 2 weeks now.  Yesterday I felt horrible.  I also haven’t been on the scale in 3 days.  Sometimes I wonder if I have enough control to do this.  Food is like a drug for me.  I use it in the wrong ways.  It was my medication for feeling sick yesterday, that is wrong.  If I can just track again I would be fine.  I know that I can do 800 cal or less if I don’t drink, I have done it b4 *LOTS OF TIMES*….It is all the alcohol that is killing me.