Alcohol Repeat

31 10 2008

I as well have found myself drinking more and more to try not to eat. Although I do drink VODKA & WATER so that I do get my water in and it only has 64 cals. add a little lime and it taste pretty good. I was down this morning 1.4 but not to say much cuz i must have been up yesterday. I didn’t weigh.  This week has not been good for me at all I have been yo-yoing back and forth. Sorry no post yesterday work is about to kill me. I don’t seem to have a min to myself right now. So much going on and no time to do it all in. Well I will try to post some more later but for now it is off to work I go again.

Much love, stay strong, starve on,

xoxo S


Depressed In IL

25 10 2008

Well today was a bad day for me. I got up this morning thinking that things had to be better well they weren’t so much and it got worse as the day went on. I WAS down 1.2 this am but I was up yesterday 3 so it didn’t really balance out.  I thought I would try to eat a salad today and go HEALTHY  for a few days but that all went to hell this pm. K came home from school with her report card and I was pist to find out that she is failing reading after I specifically told them to let me know if she got to that point. AND THEY DIDN’T… So Monday morning I will be at the school raising hell. If that wasn’t bad enough it added to the stress and I began drinking as soon as she left with her dad.  Then I got called back to work and I felt like shit going in there. I love my job but I wasn’t in the mood when the call came in.  After work I decided that I had already blew the whole day with the salad and drinking so I went to eat with a friend to let off some steam and I had 2 bread sticks and alot more to drink. BTW I am drinking vodka and water so it only has 64 cals a shot but still I went way over today. I did no exercise what so ever.  Tomorrow is not looking any better because I have to work at 8 and then as soon as that is over we are moving everything into the new shop. Definitely drinking tomorrow. I just need a well deserved day of rest to gather all of my thoughts. Completely pissed right now and not gettin over it any time to soon. Probably not til I talk to the school and find out what the hell is going on. Sorry for the pissy post will try to be better tomorrow. Best of luck to you. My fast for now is on hold….

Friday Morning

24 10 2008

No change here…still the same as yesterday.  This is when I begin to get frustrated.  I am getting the breathing machine out this afternoon and see if that doesn’t help.  I know that I am not eating that much, I mean you are eating way less than me, but I am eating maybe one solid meal a day.  Yesterday I ate 2 and the last one was late and I went to bed right after.  I know I should eat 3 hours b4 I lay down, but it is hard cuz DH eats so late.

I am going to the school for the little pumpkin patch thing today.  That will be exercise for sure, chasing 4 and 5 year olds all over a play area!!  *fun fun*  I took 5 sudefedrines and 2 hoodia this am 8 oz of the strawberries/banana V8(which is gross, btw, I prefer the regular for 80 calories for 8 oz to this for 50 calories)  I am taking 1/2 an onion bagel with me to the cafe in case, and a can of regular V8.  I hope I don’t eat at all, but smelling all the food sends me over the edge :P…I hope you were down this am, I will try to be on messenger this afternoon.  I think I may pick up some laxys just to clean me out…I think you are already clean, but you had a point.  My body is still full of crap that hasn’t come out yet.  I need to do a liquid fast and detox for sure.

Just gonna go one day at a time…I can’t get it off over night*sadly*




Still Fasting in IL

23 10 2008

So last night after getting off of here and going to bed my stomach hurt so bad that I decided to eat something. I ate a small bowl of cereal and then felt so bad about it that I decided to purge.  The only good part of that is it was easy to purge.  I was so happy all day that I had lived through the hunger and then I blew it and ate and at bed time at that. This morning wasn’t much better when I got up and found out that I had only lost a pound. I’m hoping that this is all worth it come Sat morning.  The benefiber by the way is not working for me if anything it is making me feel bloated so that is done for. Back to the laxy’s for a while. Oh and I do take caffeine pills so I don’t think that the headaches are from that. The ephedra I get at the gas station. They quit it here for a while but now they are back. I actually just picked some up this morning while getting juice. Well that’s all I have for now but I will post again tomorrow.


Mid-Week….and tidbits

23 10 2008

I am down 1 pound from yesterday, so  total of of 5.5 pounds so far.  I hardy ate yesterday, I didn’t make it all liquid tho.  I almost did but I got so sick to my stomach at 930 I couldn’t sleep so I ate a Smart Ones for 230 calories…I drank some beers too.  But my total food cals was just the 230+ the cals in V8…I am glad I am down today, seeing the scales move down and not up is helping me stay motivated.  

You know it is hard when we are going to the cafe everyday for bfast…the first day I got a boiled egg and wheat toast, yesterday I didn’t eat at all.  I love eating there too 😦  I have to control this I need to get rid of this nasty fat.  I think today will be slower than yesterday, so I hope I can get my juices on.  I got some of that V8 fusion light and I am gonna try to just drink that when I am feeling hungry.  If I can get down to just one meal a day then I feel like I have accomplished something.  Esp. since I was eating even when I wasn’t hungry b4.  I didn’t exercise yesterday, but I did some cleaning around the house and that was like a work out, trust me!!  I might walk today, I will see how I am feeling at nap time.  

Where did u get your ephedra from?  Can you still buy it at the gas stations there?  They stopped doing that here 2 years ago, but I couldn’t remember if IL went first or after.  I am gonna have to order some today, I know that it helps me.  Do you think your headaches are from not eating or from no caffeine?  Try going to Wally World and getting a hoodia pill, most of them have caffeine in them and take one when you get a headache.  

I did horrible with water yesterday, not sure why either.  I have to drink more today…I hope to catch you IM today…missed you yesterday! XOXO

The 1st day of Fasting

23 10 2008

So today was the first day of my liquid fast and I have to say that it has gone well.  I had apple juice for b-fast, V8 for lunch, and grape juice for dinner, of course I drank like 2 gallons of water in between but ya probably figured that. So this morning I got up determined to do this because for some reason i was up 2 pounds…WTF? That’s what I thought but I am sure that it was just water weight because it couldn’t be the food I DIDN’T EAT. So knowing that I took my water pills, benefiber, ephedra and some Tylenol for the extreme headache that I can’t get rid of. It has always been that I wanted to lose this weight to prevent from having to take a handful of pill but I am takin more now than I think I ever will. I think the easiest thing about today was that I was busy nonstop today.So we will see how tomorrow goes, it is a much slower day. I will get back to you on my favs, just don’t have the time tonight. Thanks for the support.



22 10 2008

Well I didn’t do well yesterday at all…Being sick and rushing around all afternoon made it hard to focus.  I am not sure what the final calorie count was because I stopped counting.

But I have made up for that today, I have only had liquids.  The only thing with calories was low sodium V8!!  I also picked up some banana/strawberry Fusion(Light) 50 cal for 8 oz.  I finally got my fridge stocked up with some good snack veggies.

I didn’t get in enough water yesterday, but I am picking up the pace today.  I also took my last ephedra this am, so we will see what that does to me.  Exercise is now becoming a concern of mine.  I have some great walking videos by Leslie Sansone that I am seriously thinking about restarting.  I know as restricted as my calories are that it would do a world of good and I would see more results on the scales.

I am thinking about having some V8 soup and eating some celery with it for lunch…or when I get hungry cuz it is noon and I am still not really hungry yet!!  We will see.


Mood: OKay, feeling sick from my sinus stuff