Just Not Cuttin It

4 12 2008

So I am just not able to take the weight off with just diet and exercise so I have decided to start taking supplements again. It is not the way that I wanted to do it but I guess whatever works I am going to have to do.

I am sore as hell today and I still feel like shit. I didn’t make it to the gym yesterday but I did manage to get in a workout here at home.

I rode my bike 2 miles, worked on squats and lunges, did some free weights and stair steppers. I probably didn’t burn near as many cals as I do at the gym but damn I am hurting today.

This has also been a very busy day which has been good. This is actually the first time that I have sit down today since this morning before 8am. Not too bad I guess that is cals that I am burning.

Got to go back to work here in a bit so I am going to have dinner early so that when I get off I can head straight for the gym. No if’s and’s or but’s tonight. I have got to go and burn off some of the energy that I have accumulated through out the day.

Progress is slow but I am hopeful that all the sweat and tears that I have put into this will soon catch up with me. I am getting all the water in that I was struggling to get in before. I have totally cut out caffine from my diet except for when I do go out to eat. Which I am proud to say that we have not ate out all week. I have cooked lunch and dinner for myself all week.

 Normally my daughter and I have a bad habbit of just going and grabbing something. It is so easy to do and actually cheaper for us(since it is just the 2 of us).

This week I have made the time to cook dinner everynight and we have enjoyed being able to sit down at the table for a meal together. That is definately something that I need to get back in the routine of.

So although I have not been losing like I had hoped I am thankful for what I have lost and I feel so much better now that i am working out everyday.

Keep up all the good work everyone. Much love xoxo*S

Feelin the Drain

3 12 2008

Ok so it is now Wednesday and I am back on track and down 4 pounds from the last time I posted. That is only a total of 13.6 pounds for the total. Not so great but atleast it is a loss.

I am not feelin great today. The whole cold weather sinus shit has kicked in and I am hatin it. I need to go to the gym to make myself feel better but I do not have enough time before work to fit it in this morning.

I did get in a 2 hour workout yesterday and I was excited about that. Although I am not lossing the weight like I had hoped I am lossing inches which always helps too.

I have got to find the time to go to the gym today and I am not sure when that is going to be. I have to work til 2 then K gets out at 3 and homework and basketball consume most of the rest of the night. Hopefully I will find atleast and hour in there to fit something in.

I have been trying some new recipes around here and have found some solutions to things that my family likes that I can still have. It is hard when you have 5 people who like totally different things. And yes I do most of the cooking.

Tonight we are having turkey mignon, they are having scalloped potatoes and cooked carrots(which my daughter loves). I am trying not to eat many carbs that late at night.

I have consulted my doctor about my weight loss because it seems to be bouncing all over the place and I have never had this much trouble lossing before. I know it’s not just going to fall off but I am following this thing to a T and still am not recieving the results that I did last time.

We talked and he said that because I have come off the birthcontrol that I was on that is probably throwing my body for a spin. Hadn’t really thought about it to much but I figured it would help me to lose faster. He said that because my body has been use to it for so long that it is probably going to take some time for it to readjust.

This helps me to know that it is not me that is screwing this up but at the same time I am coming to the conclusion that the 40 I had hoped to drop before surgery is probably not going to happen. He says that 14 pounds in 3 weeks is a healthy number. I don’t want a healthy number I want a happy number.

I should probably stop weighing everyday but it is a habitual habbit for me. I need to know if what I ate the day before helped or hurt me. I hate the whole figuring out your body b/s. I know that it is going to fluctuate from day to day and I can deal with that a little bit but not 2 pounds worth.

Like this morning I was up .6 from yesterday. I can handle that knowing that I hadn’t had a BM. Things like that I understand but not up 2.

Anyways I am now rambling and ranting. BTW I did talk to the guy I spoke of in the last post and we are doing fine. Everything is worked out for now. We are going to continue to hang out and see where things go from there.

We had a long talk about the situation, cried and told each other how we felt. Before I could tell him how I felt he told me that he really cared for me and he wants us to be together but after being in a crappy relationship for 10 years and just gettin out of that he doesn’t feel that it would be fair for me for us to get together yet. I respected him for that and I told him that I cared for him as well and I hoped that in the future it would work out for us.

We are going to hang out this weekend when K and I get back from her b-day party and Chuckie Cheese. He wants to take K somewhere on Sunday for her b-day and get her something.

I am really hoping that things work out and we can be together soon. I don’t want to rush things, but it would be nice for us to just be together once and for all.

Thanks to all of you who read and comment. The support is much appreciated. Stay strong and don’t let all these holidays get you down.

Much Love xoxo***S

Thank God it’s over…

29 11 2008

So the holiday is finally over and I have to admit that I am thankful for that. Up next, another holiday that involves nothing but food. Great I am so happy(totally srcastic on that one).

This morning was tragic.. I was up 2.6 pounds this morning. Wonderful I had only manage to lose 3.6 this week and I gained almost all of it back in one day.

I did manage to get in a walk yesterday but it wasn’t near as far as I would of liked to go. Unlike some of you out there I love to be around my family. So we made it a family outing and went for a walk. Me, mom, aunt L, bff C, kids, we all went for a walk. It was a good time and I enjoyed it. Should of done more but wth?

All in all yesterday went pretty good. I did manage to restrict myself and only allowed one meal for the day. A huge meal but only one. Actually after I got done with all of it the first time I didn’t want anything else the rest of the day.

Bloated and feeling awful I managed to make myself go to the gym today. Spending two hours there made me feel better about all of it.

Knowing that Christmas is just around the corner makes me want to work even harder to get this off before then so I have a few pounds to gamble with at that time. I love the holidays just for the time that I get to spend with the family I never see but the food is such a drag.

The majority of my day today was spent helping put up lights with my papa. We had fun and still didn’t manage to get it all put up even though we spent hours decorating.( My gma loves this shit) This is like her favorite time of the year.

K’s b-day is only 9 days away with the party being 7 away it is probably time for me to really start planning and getting things in order. Thankful that I already have all of her presents bought all I have to do is find the time to wrap all of them(there is a ton). This also means ice cream and cake…wonderful.

I will probably spend this weekend getting that together and wrapping gifts since she will be gone to dad’s. I guess there is no better time to do it.

I hope that you all had a great holiday. Now to prepare for the next…

Much love  xoxo***S

All The Food

27 11 2008

So tomorrow is Thanksgiving and me personally I am not ready for all of that food to be placed in front of me. It kind of makes me sick to even think about all of it being there. I made desserts tonight and that was enough for me to want to puke. I did however get to spend some well deserved time with K cooking. She loves to cook and I love to teach her.

This week has not at all went how I have planned. I have been spending 90 minutes in the gym every night and still am not receiving the results that I had hoped for. I sure hope that I am builing some muscle..

As of this morning I was down a total of 12.4 pounds. Tomorrow will be the start of week 3 and I am hoping that it goes better than this week. That is only a 3.6 pound loss for this week. Not so good I know.

I have become a compulsive person again. I want to have control and be better than everyone. I am far from that but I am trying. I go to the gym with my mom, and I am constantly trying to out do her.(she is like 50 pounds lighter than I am) It is kinda nice because I push myself to do things that I know I wouldn’t do if she wasn’t there.

Knowing that tomorrow is already going to suck I am still planning out the daily exercise for that. I definately have to get some cardio in. Maybe I can go for a jog or a hike or something. My bff from here will be at our dinner too. She will probably go with me so that will be nice.

My gym doesn’t open til noon on Friday so first thing when it opens I will be there and for like 3 hours there after. I hate when holidays come up. It’s like all people think about it getting together to eat. Who made that rule and why? Why can’t we get toghether and do something else. I love to see my family get together but I could definately do without the food.

I hope that everyone has a great Thanksgiving and props to all of you who stick to your guns that day. (I probably will cheat) Thursdays are my cheat days…Kudos to anyone who makes it through.

Much love,  xoxo***S

Ugh..It’s Monday

24 11 2008

Ok so it is Monday morning and so far this morning is going good. I just got home from a 90 min workout.(third day in a row) I feel great..sore but great. I know that it will all pay off so I am going to keep it up.

My gym is closed for Thanksgiving so I will have to use an alternate form of exercise that day. Still thinking on that one. If anyone has any ideas please let me know.

This weekend didn’t go as planned for me I had hoped to be down 15 by now but that is not the case. As of this morning I am down 11.2

I have been having trouble with having a BM so I think that has alot to do with it. I hadn’t been able to go since Wednesday. This is not normal for an everyday girl. So yesterday I took a couple of laxatives to help me out.

This morning at 4:30 I went. and then again and again. Not that you really care but I feel that is the reason that I haven’t dropped more than I have.

I was up 2 pounds one morning and I was balistic. It was so hard for me because I had been doing so good and that was not suppose to happen. It was off the next day but I was still upset.

I have to get the 40 off by Jan.2 because it is now a challenge. Everyone in my life has told me that it will not happen, there is no way you will drop that much, blah, blah,blah. So now it is to prove myself and let everyone know that if you want it bad enough that it can happen.

I am thinking of signing up with a personal trainer at my gym but I am not sure if that is really for me. I am kind of a free flow kind of person who likes to change things up when I am at the gym. I don’t want to be stuck doing the same things everyday and that is what I see with them when I am there.So I am still thinking of it but I am probably not going to just for that reason.

They do have machines there that you can get a personalized key for so that you know how much and how many to do each day. The trainer sits these up but doesn’t stick with you all the time so I will probably do something like that. I don’t like to be watched. I fell like I accomplish more when noone is watching. I tend to compete with myself and the others around me.

I am still very happy with my results and I am thinking of it like I only have 28.8 to go. Good luck to everyone over the holiday coming up and I hope it goes well for ya.

much luv,xoxo***S

Starting the day

17 11 2008

Today is going to be the test to see if I can stick with it. I was disappointed this morning when I got on the scales and it said that I had only lost .2 of a pound. However that does make my total 6 pounds on the start of day 5. Looking back I do think that there is a possiblity that it is does have something to do with all the water that I drank yesterday causing me to have water weight. I sure hope so! I am a fanatic about weighing so I do it every morning and again sometimes of an evening. I wish that I could break that cycle and weigh once a week. Probably not going to happen.. I enjoy knowing when I have done good and when I do bad I want to know that kind of day will not work for me. I hate to have only lost .2 but I have got to look at the good part of this and notice that there were a few days I dropped over 2 pounds. That is the mindset that I am trying to hang on to for today. I have a hard time sticking with it when I don’t drop what I would like to. I am going to head to the gym here in a bit and I know that will help me to drop what I am not right now. Numbers should increase and besides that is something that I need to do anyways whether it helps to speed up the numbers or not. I am not good at going to the gym, it’s just not something that I enjoy doing and I tend to make excuses as to why I can’t go that day. When I do go I feel self concious of the way that I look. It seems like if I do get there I do ok though, because I look at all the fit people around me and I want to be like them so I workout really hard and push myself to do more and more. However I tend to schedule to go when there is a variety of people there so I don’t feel like the only fat person in the building. I know that I need to do this for me and I shouldn’t care what others think but I do. My goal for this week is to have lost 10 pounds by Thursday morning. Only 4 more to go! Sure hope that I make it.  I will try to catch ya all up on my day and how it goes for me later. Much love


Week 1 Stats*how much I have lost…

26 10 2008

I am not gonna post my weight…but I will post that I have lost 6 pounds since last Sunday when I started this adventure.  That isn’t that bad, I could have done better.  I feel like I need to cut back the alcohol and eat earlier.  I also think some form of exercise is in order this week, walking, sit-up, something.  I have been really active this week, but nothing extra.  

I am not eating very much at all, but I am drinking all of my calories, which IMO is worse.  I just can’t help it.  I feel so hungry at 4 pm and when I drink a beer all that hunger disappears…Then I want more beers, LOL!

I did another Albuterol treatment this am.  I don’t like how it makes me feel, I get really grumpy.  I think it helps tho, like the Clen would.  I just need to buy some of that.