17 11 2008

I already fucked up.  I took the kids to the donut shop because I am not a donut fan and thought that the bagels in the fridge and an egg would only be 6 points, but I wound up getting a freaking sausage roll!  A LARGE ONE AT THAT.  I have no idea how many points is in that but I am sure it is more than 6!  I guess I will just try to eat low fat/ low cal the rest of the day and start new tomorrow.

I weighed today…200.5, yep that is how much C weighs.  I used to be so over taken with my weight, then I realized that I shouldn’t.  After I had kids I got heavier and heavier.  Now it is outta control.  My back hurts constantly because I am only 5 foot 3 and I am carrying an extra 75 pounds or so on my little frame.  I swear I look like a Umpaloompa.  Actually everyone says I carry my weight well, but I beg to differ!

Anyway, I hope to do much better for bfast tomorrow and the rest of today.  I am not gonna dwell on that sausage roll and do the rest of the day better.  We are having pork loin for dinner and that is very low fat.  Yay!  Everyone keep on keeping on.



Binge and Purge

6 11 2008

So things haven’t been going as planned here in IL. I have been binging like crazy and with that comes the purge. I don’t even have to binge now to want to purge. I don’t like the feeling but every time I eat I just feel the need to throw it all back up. My body is resiting the food which is a good thing but at the same time I don’t want this to be the way. I have done this before and it has had some bad efects on my health and I don’t want for anything else to come bad health wise. I am concerned about gaining weight after the surgery so if anyone has some tips on that it would be much appreciated.

On a positive note things at the new shop are going great. I have been busy as I can be which is a good that keeps me from eating…(which I definately need that). I am having trouble with not eating all day, by the time that I get home I am starving so then I do eat something and its not all the things I should eat. However I am trying to stay within the 800 cal mark. Most days go pretty well but I do tend to drink over my limit.  All the drinking is starting to catch up with me and I am trying to slow that back down to nothing(but I am getting my water in this way).

Thanks so much to Hana for the comments and the thinspiration. You are so strong and I admire you for that. I could only wish that I was that thin but the baby belly seems to never go away. I am thinking of trying to do your diet and hopefully it will work as well for me.  I someimes think of trying the trippin again but I don’t want to do it around K. Although it did keep me from wanting to eat and I stayed busy doing nothing. If only I could go back to the good Ol days…haha

Much love to all that reads

starve on, stay strong

xoxo  S

Alcohol Repeat

31 10 2008

I as well have found myself drinking more and more to try not to eat. Although I do drink VODKA & WATER so that I do get my water in and it only has 64 cals. add a little lime and it taste pretty good. I was down this morning 1.4 but not to say much cuz i must have been up yesterday. I didn’t weigh.  This week has not been good for me at all I have been yo-yoing back and forth. Sorry no post yesterday work is about to kill me. I don’t seem to have a min to myself right now. So much going on and no time to do it all in. Well I will try to post some more later but for now it is off to work I go again.

Much love, stay strong, starve on,

xoxo S

No News

28 10 2008

Well I have no news for ya on the weight loss because I haven’t tracked it for the last few days.  Yesterday was a very stressful day for me and I felt no need to eat. I got up and went to the school and got things taken care of there. That went pretty good. Afterwards I had to go to what I thought was a repeat pap for the precancerous cells on my cervics. Come to find out it was a biopsy. They think I might actually have the CANCER this time. If that wasn’t the worst of it, after she had done the biopsy they couldn’t get me to stop bleeding. I spent 2 hours in there yesterday. I will know the results in about a week. This is going to be a long week for me. So I have to say that with everything that is going on I probably will not track very well this week. I have opted to have a historectomy though whether it be cancer or not this time I just want this out of my body. On a positive note I do go to work at the new shop today so that will be exciting. Got alot going on this weeks so I will try to keep ya posted. Goodbye for now,


Week 1 Stats*how much I have lost…

26 10 2008

I am not gonna post my weight…but I will post that I have lost 6 pounds since last Sunday when I started this adventure.  That isn’t that bad, I could have done better.  I feel like I need to cut back the alcohol and eat earlier.  I also think some form of exercise is in order this week, walking, sit-up, something.  I have been really active this week, but nothing extra.  

I am not eating very much at all, but I am drinking all of my calories, which IMO is worse.  I just can’t help it.  I feel so hungry at 4 pm and when I drink a beer all that hunger disappears…Then I want more beers, LOL!

I did another Albuterol treatment this am.  I don’t like how it makes me feel, I get really grumpy.  I think it helps tho, like the Clen would.  I just need to buy some of that.

Depressed In IL

25 10 2008

Well today was a bad day for me. I got up this morning thinking that things had to be better well they weren’t so much and it got worse as the day went on. I WAS down 1.2 this am but I was up yesterday 3 so it didn’t really balance out.  I thought I would try to eat a salad today and go HEALTHY  for a few days but that all went to hell this pm. K came home from school with her report card and I was pist to find out that she is failing reading after I specifically told them to let me know if she got to that point. AND THEY DIDN’T… So Monday morning I will be at the school raising hell. If that wasn’t bad enough it added to the stress and I began drinking as soon as she left with her dad.  Then I got called back to work and I felt like shit going in there. I love my job but I wasn’t in the mood when the call came in.  After work I decided that I had already blew the whole day with the salad and drinking so I went to eat with a friend to let off some steam and I had 2 bread sticks and alot more to drink. BTW I am drinking vodka and water so it only has 64 cals a shot but still I went way over today. I did no exercise what so ever.  Tomorrow is not looking any better because I have to work at 8 and then as soon as that is over we are moving everything into the new shop. Definitely drinking tomorrow. I just need a well deserved day of rest to gather all of my thoughts. Completely pissed right now and not gettin over it any time to soon. Probably not til I talk to the school and find out what the hell is going on. Sorry for the pissy post will try to be better tomorrow. Best of luck to you. My fast for now is on hold….


19 10 2008

Well here is what I have to say.  I did the laxy thing and then I found out that you body still consumes the calories.  All you are getting rid of is waste.  Wouldn’t you rather take extra fiber and poop?  It would do less harm to your body and give you the same effect.  Your body still uses/stores the calories either way.  I tried some benifiber and it works just as good for me as ex lax.  The average woman needs at least 80grams of fiber a day and 95% of us don’t get it.  Just try that, if it doesn’t give you the same effect then do what you want.  Make sure you drink extra water, for dehydration’s sake.  Also beware of the fact that if you take them for too long you bowels will get lazy and you will have to take them to poop!!  I dunno bout’ you but I don’t want to have to take a pill to take a shit!


**basically I am against it, but I am with you on weight loss so if that is something that works for you have at it.