ALREADY…GEEZUS

17 11 2008

I already fucked up.  I took the kids to the donut shop because I am not a donut fan and thought that the bagels in the fridge and an egg would only be 6 points, but I wound up getting a freaking sausage roll!  A LARGE ONE AT THAT.  I have no idea how many points is in that but I am sure it is more than 6!  I guess I will just try to eat low fat/ low cal the rest of the day and start new tomorrow.

I weighed today…200.5, yep that is how much C weighs.  I used to be so over taken with my weight, then I realized that I shouldn’t.  After I had kids I got heavier and heavier.  Now it is outta control.  My back hurts constantly because I am only 5 foot 3 and I am carrying an extra 75 pounds or so on my little frame.  I swear I look like a Umpaloompa.  Actually everyone says I carry my weight well, but I beg to differ!

Anyway, I hope to do much better for bfast tomorrow and the rest of today.  I am not gonna dwell on that sausage roll and do the rest of the day better.  We are having pork loin for dinner and that is very low fat.  Yay!  Everyone keep on keeping on.

-C





Starting the day

17 11 2008

Today is going to be the test to see if I can stick with it. I was disappointed this morning when I got on the scales and it said that I had only lost .2 of a pound. However that does make my total 6 pounds on the start of day 5. Looking back I do think that there is a possiblity that it is does have something to do with all the water that I drank yesterday causing me to have water weight. I sure hope so! I am a fanatic about weighing so I do it every morning and again sometimes of an evening. I wish that I could break that cycle and weigh once a week. Probably not going to happen.. I enjoy knowing when I have done good and when I do bad I want to know that kind of day will not work for me. I hate to have only lost .2 but I have got to look at the good part of this and notice that there were a few days I dropped over 2 pounds. That is the mindset that I am trying to hang on to for today. I have a hard time sticking with it when I don’t drop what I would like to. I am going to head to the gym here in a bit and I know that will help me to drop what I am not right now. Numbers should increase and besides that is something that I need to do anyways whether it helps to speed up the numbers or not. I am not good at going to the gym, it’s just not something that I enjoy doing and I tend to make excuses as to why I can’t go that day. When I do go I feel self concious of the way that I look. It seems like if I do get there I do ok though, because I look at all the fit people around me and I want to be like them so I workout really hard and push myself to do more and more. However I tend to schedule to go when there is a variety of people there so I don’t feel like the only fat person in the building. I know that I need to do this for me and I shouldn’t care what others think but I do. My goal for this week is to have lost 10 pounds by Thursday morning. Only 4 more to go! Sure hope that I make it.  I will try to catch ya all up on my day and how it goes for me later. Much love

XOXO***S





Here I go…AGAIN.

16 11 2008

I have been MIA for a week or so because I have been bad, real bad.  Eating and drinking whatever I want whenever I want it.  I am too afraid to stand on the scales.  I know I have gotten heavier, I can tell by the way my clothes are fitting.

I think I will jump on the wagon with S and do WW.  I know how to do it, I am just not a huge fan.  I do better counting calories because I know my limits and with points I get carried away and have them all eaten by dinner time.  I know that doesn’t make since but it is true.  So I will spend this week tracking points.  I will stand on the damn scales tomorrow morning and give you my ‘true’ weight.

I have a really hard time doing this when I feel so confident.  I look in the mirror and don’t get mad or sad, I am content.  I like my curves and I like food.  But at the same time I don’t want my 3 little girls to grow up thinking my weight and the way I eat is normal.  I want them to see me eating healthy and exercising, regardless of my size.  That is what is important, teaching them how to eat properly and stay fit.  And if I did just that I would, in fact, lose weight.

So as I embark on this AGAIN I will do it with a different attitude.  I am doing this for my health, not for my self confidence or to be sexy.  I am already sexy, no matter what anyone says.  I want to be healthy, happy and live life to the fullest.  When I run in the yard with the girls I don’t want to be out of breath after 2 minutes of playing.  I want to be more active and feel great!!  And I will…

On a different note, I want to let all the great commenter’s to S know how much it means to not only her but to me.  It is really hard to put your life out into ‘blog’ world, but when you do and you get positive feedback it helps.  It helps you maintain your mind set, and reach your goals!  Knowing that others concur and agree allows you to explore your thoughts and feelings even further which helps you reach in and grab that last piece of what you need for success…So thank you all.

C





Couldn’t Ask for Anything Better

16 11 2008

Well here it is day 4 on W.W. and I am down 5.8 pounds as of this morning. I am super excited and I hope to continue to do as well for the rest of this week. Since I started on Thursday I am tracking my weeks that way. I have to admit that this weekend has been hard for me to stay on track but I was able to do so and this is a feeling of control that I haven’t felt for a long time. I have been able to continue to eat out (which we do alot) and that is helpful to me. I still get to eat the foods that I enjoy the most and I have that full feeling that MY body requires. I envy those who thrive on that empty feeling and wished that worked for me but I know that it doesn’t and that only sets me up for failure in the end. This way I feel it is a benefit to me to be able to eat what I want and still lose the weight(healthier too).

I haven’t started exercising yet but I intend to tomorrow. I know that the results will be greater if I do so. I am a member of the YMCA gym here and I need to start taking advantage of that again. It is nice because they do have a free daycare that my daughter can go to while I am working out.  I am starting her in basketball(which she wants to do) for the winter so that she will get some form of exercise as well. This will be good for the both of us because we can use the gym at the YMCA to do some practicing in. I love to play basketball and I hope that she will love it as much as I did when I was a kid. She is packing on some weight herself which I do not mention to her but she is concious of it. Constantly tell me that she need to lose weight (she will be 7 in Dec.) I worry about her having an eating disorder too.  I try to make her feel good about herself and her body telling her that she looks good and how cute she is all the time. Ofcourse I know that she is a little heavy but I still think she is the cutest ( I am a little bias). I just want her to be happy with herself no matter what anyone else might think. I don’t want this to be a battle that she has for all of her life.

She is the most important reason why I am doing this. I want it for myself but I also want to set a good example for her. Whinning and saying how I need to lose weight and doing nothing about it has got to stop and stop now. I need this more now than ever and so does she. Seeing me yo-yo and never set a goal and stick to it isn’t doing either one of us any good. She is my pride and joy, I just want her to be happy and I want to be happy with her.

It has really helped me to be able to have this to share feelings and thoughts with a great friend and all of our readers. I appreciate all of you. Stay tuned for more results…

Thanks to all of ya, xoxo***S





Weight Watchers

15 11 2008

So I think I am back on track. I am back to doing the well known, over-rated, pain in the ass weight watches. The only good thing that I can say about this whole thing is that it really does work for me and in a short amount of time…but I hate doing it.  It is such a pain in the ass to count everything, and I feel like I am eating more now than ever. However the results are showing up on the scales so that is a plus. This morning I had lost 2.4 pounds so that is always needed.  I am feeling very positive right now about it and I hope to continue to feel the same way.  I am keeping a journal of everything that I put in my mouth and I also write notes and reminders to myself every morning.  The front page of my journal tells me why this is so important and that it is not only for me but for my daughter K too.  She is my world and I want to set a good example for her. So no more crash dieting and yo-yoing. I have got to do this and for good now.

For those of you who do not know ME, I am not a skinny person by no means. I have battled with my weight for many years doing diet after diet and never achieving the goals that I have set out to achieve. This is the breaking point for that. I have never been diagnosed with and actual eating disorder and I don’t intend to. I am either a compulsive over eater or I do the binge and purge. This has been going on for way too long and I am ready to be a happy healthy mom for my daughter. She deserves a mom that wants to go outside and play. Not one that is depressed about weight and life all the time. Starting now I am going to be that for her.

The first goal that I have is to lose 40 pounds before my surgery date which is January 2nd.  The ultimate goal that I have set is to lose a total of 80 pounds by the end of May. I want to be that super skinny hot ass mom that enjoys life and all the boys want to sleep with…LOL I  WILL BE THAT MOM!

Thanks again to all our readers. I greatly appreciate all the comments and support that you provide in these rough times that we all call life.

Much love, xoxo****S